New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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