She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
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She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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