Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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