we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
