I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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