Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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