We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"