Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(573): View more from Missouri

i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru

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(573): i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru http://tfl.nu/xoee

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(513): View more from Ohio

The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?

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(513): The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU? http://tfl.nu/gpmz

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(541): View more from Oregon

Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.

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(541): Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia. http://tfl.nu/enyb

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(505): View more from New Mexico

He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.

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(505): He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis. http://tfl.nu/qfyr

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(305): View more from Florida

I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.

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(305): I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner. http://tfl.nu/42gn

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(949): View more from California

so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"

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(949): so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later" http://tfl.nu/dpva

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(845): View more from New York

i can't find my house

(1-845): View more from New York

we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.

(845): View more from New York

i'm pretty sure my house moved.

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(845): i can't find my house (1-845): we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago. (845): i'm pretty sure my house moved. http://tfl.nu/nzng

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(732): View more from New Jersey

why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?

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(732): why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos? http://tfl.nu/di91

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(519): View more from Ontario

I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex

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(519): I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex http://tfl.nu/b3wh

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(815): View more from Illinois

I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.

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(815): I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed. http://tfl.nu/jn5l

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed

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(570): I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed http://tfl.nu/7vip

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(515): View more from Iowa

It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.

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(515): It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them. http://tfl.nu/9jno

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(614): View more from Ohio

After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live

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(614): After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live http://tfl.nu/6xtu

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(850): View more from Florida

Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.

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(850): Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win. http://tfl.nu/9m9y

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(504): View more from Louisiana

Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?

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(504): Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh? http://tfl.nu/qv7w

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