Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
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yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
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Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now