listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
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I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
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It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"