So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron