Texts From Last Night

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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.

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  (814): I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave. http://tfl.nu/ropw
  Replies (2) Good night (1629) Bad night (845)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.

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  (319): went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there. http://tfl.nu/ufbv
  Replies (9) Good night (3688) Bad night (886)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.

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  (208): My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat. http://tfl.nu/4rv6
  Replies (9) Good night (8469) Bad night (1197)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.

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  (614): mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her. http://tfl.nu/npv7
  Replies (6) Good night (1141) Bad night (3116)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.

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  (503): There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize. http://tfl.nu/694m
  Replies (8) Good night (4513) Bad night (1139)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.

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  (951): I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here. http://tfl.nu/bc0s
  Replies (4) Good night (1313) Bad night (2362)
• Favorite

  (747): View more from California

  by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.

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  (747): by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party. http://tfl.nu/9v1z
  Replies (8) Good night (2140) Bad night (779)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing

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  (856): I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing http://tfl.nu/iy02
  Replies (10) Good night (1294) Bad night (1014)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.

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  (317): I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense. http://tfl.nu/526h
  Replies (2) Good night (948) Bad night (429)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them

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  (617): Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them http://tfl.nu/p251
  Replies (3) Good night (757) Bad night (389)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime

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  (902): I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime http://tfl.nu/b6xy
  Replies (2) Good night (534) Bad night (340)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Drunk texting is the poetry of my life

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  (925): Drunk texting is the poetry of my life http://tfl.nu/a1uw
  Replies (1) Good night (586) Bad night (364)
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.

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  (906): My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow. http://tfl.nu/cu71
  Replies (3) Good night (680) Bad night (399)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.

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  (314): I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order. http://tfl.nu/1zbf
  Replies (2) Good night (395) Bad night (270)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself

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  (801): I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself http://tfl.nu/7pv4
  Replies (3) Good night (407) Bad night (229)

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