I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16