There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
