Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
