Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
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Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
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making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.