Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.