I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid