she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...