I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just found the deal breaker
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Is it because I queefed?
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I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
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So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss