...is it true? will i see you next weekend
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.