Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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