When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
foreskin is a definite game changer
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.