Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
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that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
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The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis