I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
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RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
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You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT