for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.