Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.