What a fucking waste of an outfit
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize