apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
