hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
