How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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