oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
