Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
