the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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