Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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