no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
