return my video game
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.