I've blown a few things in my day
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.