Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?