I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...