Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
she looked like the before picture.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
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i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
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i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make