I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
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Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?