how can u be prego again
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.