I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
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She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
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i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?