I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell