Can I ask u a weird question?
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?