The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.