she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.