i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize