I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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