How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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