we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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