my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i would punch a child for taco bell
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
