its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
