you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
