By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
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I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
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Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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