You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
