The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
send nudes
from the living room?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize