i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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