We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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