umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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