No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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