is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
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You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
did i walk over a car last night?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
MIDGETS
????
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize