Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
