I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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