I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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