this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
