My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just google imaged poop.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
