a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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