two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
