there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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