Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
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