I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
