did you get engaged???
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
