its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
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You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
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Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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